Are you afraid of being found out OR being found?

Dinner Confidential: “Self-Confidence”

The inaugural night of Dinner Confidential started with a hot topic, the elusive and highly desired: Self Confidence.

We started by going around the table introducing ourselves in two ways. First, from our “self confidence voice.” There was “me at my best” — the appreciation, excitement and pride on what we’ve accomplished. Whether it is the families we’ve built, the work we do, or the awesomeness that it is to live in a city like NYC.

Then, we introduced ourselves from our “self doubt voice.” The nagging voice that makes us question what we say, how we behave, what we do. Here, a lot of the conversation was about work. Although we all have great credentials and experience, we felt there’s other people who are “better than me” — better because they have “an ivy league diploma” or “always assert themselves” or have “higher ranking degrees/tittles.”

As the night progressed, we discussed how our mindset play a huge role in determining what voice shows up— when we have a “scarcity mindset,” we can’t see all that is possible. The limitations of doubt creep in.

As I suspected, a lot of women with high-ranking tittles and successful careers suffer from the “impostor syndrome” (although we would never guess by seeing them).

I realized that many of us tend to live on two ends of the spectrum. Some of us are afraid to be found out (aka “impostor syndrome”) and some of us are afraid we are never going to be found (aka “wasting my potential” syndrome).

I wonder…. what could become possible if we really believed all the amazing things other people see in us? Pause for a moment and think about it. What would we do differently? How would we act if we fully embraced our power?

Here are the key takeaways:

• We all struggle with self-doubt. Despite of how strong, accomplished etc. we are, we all have a side that prevents us from speaking our minds and pursuing what we want.
• We all have a need to belong. Being part of something gives meaning to our lives, but feeling accepted and included is not always easy. How can we feel included, if we don’t speak our minds? If we see ourselves as “smaller” or “too much” or “too different”?
• “Fake it until you make it” lead us to the life we want. When we “fake it”, we allow ourselves to do the things we want, but are afraid to. This attitude help us build resilience and confidence

Things to experiment with

• Be true to who you are. Speak your mind at ALL times! And feel the power (and freedom) that comes with that
• Be genuinely curious. Approach situations with real curiosity, instead of making assumptions (or judging). Ask yourself: What can I see now that I couldn’t see before?
• Be vulnerable. Allow yourself to REALLY connect with people on an intimate level. What do you gain when allowing others to see your imperfections?
• Rethink how you spend your time. Are you spending time on things that feel heavy and bring you down? Or, are you spending time on things that lift you up and connect you with what you value?

Written by Veronica Marquez, www.veronicamarquez.me

Dinner Confidential is a monthly event that brings together a small group of women to talk — with vulnerability and openness — about key sensitive topics in our lives (i.e.: self-confidence, dealing with fear, etc).Check out www.dinnerconfidential.org to learn more or attend a dinner!